


Differences

by sinofwriting



Series: Buck Knows... (Aka 9-1-1 Crossovers) [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Chicago Fire
Genre: Buck Begins, Evan "Buck" Buckley Deserves Better, Gen, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Protective Kelly Severide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23605996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinofwriting/pseuds/sinofwriting
Summary: “Kelly, I-I, fuck.” The person on the other side takes a shaky breath, but pushes through the tightness in their chest to finish leaving the voicemail. “I’m sorry for calling. I just, I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Kelly. I don’t think I can,” Muffled sobs escape them before they even have a chance to stop them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” They apologize again, before hanging up.Kelly isn't ready to lose another person in his life, especially not Evan. So after nearly a month of radio silence after the scariest voicemail he's ever gotten, he books a flight to LA, not willing to lose the most important person in his life.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Kelly Severide, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Buck Knows... (Aka 9-1-1 Crossovers) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750306
Comments: 115
Kudos: 640





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so happy I'm finally posting this first chapter. I don't know how many there will be, but I'm currently writing chapter nine and don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I hope you guys enjoy reading this fic as much as I enjoy writing it!

_“Kelly, I-I, fuck.” The person on the other side takes a shaky breath, but pushes through the tightness in their chest to finish leaving the voicemail. “I’m sorry for calling. I just, I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Kelly. I don’t think I can,” Muffled sobs escape them before they even have a chance to stop them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” They apologize again, before hanging up._

He pulls his headphones off, seeing the seatbelt sign off and people starting to rise out of their seats. The sound of everyone on the plane replaced the sound of Evan’s voicemail that had been playing on repeat in Kelly’s mind since he got it. By the tenth time he had heard it, he could memorize it. He knew when his voice would break, when he would pause, and when the crying started. 

Standing up, he’s never been more grateful to have the window seat in the back of the plane as he waits for everyone to leave the plane. Grabbing his duffel bag from the carry on compartment, he smiles at the stewardess before stepping off the plane. The smile slips off his face as soon as he’s in the midst of the busy airport that is LAX. Glancing towards baggage claim, he grimaces not wanting to imagine that particular nightmare. 

Kelly adjusts the duffel bag so it’s slung over his shoulders as he follows the airport signs. He stops at a sign for a rental car, thinking it over. But as he thinks about Evan and how he’s been avoiding him since he left Kelly that voicemail he turns away from the sign and heads to where he can see taxi’s waiting. 

He frowns when he notices one of the taxi drivers seems to be sleeping. Tapping the passenger side glass, the guy jerks awake, rolling down the window a few seconds later. “Where do you want to go?”  
“Do you know where fire station 118 is?”  
He grunts, gesturing for Kelly to climb into the back. “Hard to not know.” 

On the drive over, Kelly’s focus is on his phone. He first texts Matt, telling him he made it alright before calling Evan. Hoping that the man will answer after pretty much a month of radio silence. The only message he had received since the voicemail had been the monthly text he always got that showed him what shifts Evan was working. He sighs when it goes to voicemail. He considers trying to call again but knowing he won’t get an answer he opens his email, forcing himself to go through all of it. 

“Here you are.” The man says, drawing Kelly’s attention away from his phone, after nearly thirty minutes. Pocketing the device, he grabs his wallet, wincing at the total he owes. Pulling out three twenties he hands them to the driver. “Keep the change and have a nice day, man.”  
“You too!” He hears the driver call, as he shuts the taxi door. 

Kelly eyes the fire station in front of him and maybe he’s biased but 51 looks a lot nicer and more welcoming than the 118. He stares at the truck, engine, and ambulance, which are all parked. Walking inside, he frowns seeing only one person, who has a clipboard in hand and is looking over something. Hearing a roar of laughter, his eyes drift upwards towards the second story which makes his nose wrinkle. 

Approaching the man, he clears his throat, getting his attention. Kelly smiles, “Hi, I’m looking for an Evan Buckley?”  
The man looks surprised, “oh, for a second I thought I was getting a transfer of some kind.” He gestures towards the bag.  
Kelly nods, shifting the duffel bag. “Sorry about that.” When the man doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, he prompts, “Evan?”  
“Right, sorry.” He walks over to the stairs and Kelly trails behind him. “Buckley, you got a visitor!” He yells.  
He winces at that and then frowns realizing that whoever this is didn’t even ask for his name or why exactly he was asking for Evan or how he even knew he was here.

Before he can dwell on it any further, multiple people are bounding down the stairs, only one being familiar. 

“I’ve got a visitor, Cap?” Evan asks and hearing his voice makes Kelly breathe a little easier.  
The man nods towards Kelly. “Just showed up here for you.”  
Kelly can see when exactly Evan realizes it's him and that he’s actually there. It takes fifteen seconds for him to rush over to Kelly and he barely manages to drop his bag before hugging the man he flew 2,000 miles for. 

“God, you scared me.” Kelly mumbles, holding him in a bruising tight grip.  
Evan responds by squeezing tighter. “I’m sorry.” He then pulls away, disbelief clear on his face. “What are you doing here Kel?”  
His eyes drift towards the four people who are watching them like hawks. “It’s been a couple of years, figured it was time.”  
It’s a lie, both of them know it and he doesn’t miss the relief in Evan’s eyes that shows at the lie. 

“Let me change and I’ll drive us home.” Evan says.  
He nods, knowing that while his shift ended at eight, Evan always stayed until nine to help out in any way he could. “I’ll be here.” 

As Evan leaves to change and when he spots where, another concern comes to mind over where Evan is working before his attention is on the four people gathered around the bottom of the staircase, all of them looking at him with narrowed eyes. 

“How do you know Buck?” Asks the only female.  
“Evan,” he doesn’t miss the flinch they give at hearing his birth name. “and I go back a few years.” He also doesn’t miss how all of their eyes somehow manage to narrow more at the vague answer.  
When they don’t say anything else, he looks around. From what he can see of the fire station and his list of complaints and concerns with the LAFD and how they run things grow. He slips his phone out of his pocket, sending a quick text to Casey and Boden asking if they can send him anything on the LAFD regulations. Nothing about this was sitting right with him. He hesitates but sends a separate text to Grissom, asking about the fire commissioner for the LAFD. 

Just as he slides his phone back in his pocket, Evan appears by his side, his own duffel bag in hand before picking up Kelly’s. He barely glances at his co-workers, before starting to usher Kelly out of the firehouse. “I’ll see you guys Monday!” He calls over his shoulder. 

The four stare after the complete stranger with Buck and their eyebrows raise when the guy says something to Buck and he happily hands over his car keys. “Does anyone recognize that guy?” Hen asks, breaking the silence as they watch Buck’s car drive away.  
“Nope. Which is why I’m going to text Maddie, maybe she’ll know.” Chimney says, already pulling out his phone to do just that.  
Hen looks over at Eddie, wondering if he might know anything, only to his eyebrows drawn together and a frown twisting his features. “You alright, Eddie?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” The answer is quiet and she doesn’t say anything else, but it’s clear that even Bobby and Chimney think it’s bullshit.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry.”   
Kelly glances away from the road to look over at him. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”   
A harsh laugh leaves him, the force hurting his throat. “I left you a voicemail that reeked of desperation and then didn’t say anything to you for a month. You only got one text so you knew I was alive.”   
His hands tighten on the steering wheel. “You asked for help, Evan. You can’t be sorry about that even if you could’ve done it in a better way.” His right hand leaves the steering wheel to squeeze Evan’s knee, before twisting his arm so his hand is palm side up. He’s not surprised that Evan immediately latches onto it. 

The rest of the drive is quiet, both men tired. Arriving at the apartment, they grab their duffel bags before heading inside. Kelly lets out a whistle seeing the space for the first time in person. 

“Hell of a lot nicer than that frat house you were living in.”   
Evan groans, “don’t talk to me about that place. It was so loud all the time.” He then yawns, his jaw popping in the process.   
“Think we can afford a two hour nap?” Kelly asks, already heading up to the loft.   
“Probably. I don’t know how long you're in town though.” He says, following him up.   
Kelly takes off his shoes and barely manages to take off his jeans before collapsing into the king size bed. “I’ll tell you when we wake up.”   
He shakes his head before doing the same. “You’re going to regret not taking a shower.”   
“So are you.”   
“You’ll also regret leaving the shirt on.”   
Kelly rolls over to look at the younger man with a glare. “I hate that you know me so well.”   
“Sure.” He chuckles, admiring the new skin that’s being revealed as Kelly takes his shirt off. 

As soon as the man is laying back down, Evan follows. Curling into him despite being taller. “I missed this.” He mumbles, sleep already taking over.   
“I missed you.” Is the last thing he hears, before he’s completely pulled under. 

The Chicago native isn’t surprised that he wakes up a little after an hour of falling asleep. He had never been good at sleeping during the day unless he was on shift. He slowly sits up, making sure Evan stays asleep as he adjusts until his back is pressed against the headboard and the younger’s head in his lap. His right hand comes down to run it’s fingers through the short blonde hair, while his left grabs at his phone. 

He first goes through the texts he had gotten while asleep, smiling at a photo Casey had sent him, it was blurry at best, but it filled his chest with warmth. The blurry picture shows a nineteen year old Evan standing next to a thirty-two year old Kelly, large grins on both of their faces as they look at the camera. 

“What are you looking at?”   
Kelly looks down at Evan, before showing him. He watches as a soft smile appears on his face.  
“I love that photo. Probably my favorite.”   
“Same here.” The two’s eyes meet and they both stare at each other for a minute before the sound of a phone going off makes them look at the device that had disturbed them. 

Evan groans seeing that it’s his sister who had texted him. “Maddie is coming over after her shift.”   
“When will that be?”   
He shrugs, “Four, maybe? Depends on traffic.”   
Kelly nods, before gesturing for him to get up. “C’mon, you need to eat and drink something. Your voice sounds horrible.”   
“Thanks.”   
He rolls his eyes, following Evan out of bed and downstairs. “You have groceries, right?”   
“Of course I have groceries, Kelly. I’m not starving myself.”   
Kelly sighs, “I wasn’t saying that. I just know sometimes all you like to eat is protein bars for whatever god awful reason.” 

Evan ignores the usual warm feeling that settles in him at how well Kelly knows him, choosing instead to question the man. “So, how long are you staying here?”   
He shrugs, opening the fridge and pulling out the juice. “As long as I’m needed. Boden knows not to expect me back for at least two weeks, but he won’t be surprised if I’m gone a month or two.”   
His eyebrows raise, “What do you mean a month or two?”   
Kelly sighs, setting down the glasses in his hands. “Evan, that voicemail scared me. And I’m not asking you to apologize. I don't want you to. It freaked me out though. I knew things were rough, you haven't exactly hidden that. I just didn’t realize that it was that bad otherwise I would’ve flown down earlier.”   
Evan nods, looking down at the floor to avoid Kelly who’s looking at him. He swallows around the lump in his throat. “He’s not mad at me is he?”   
He shakes his head, walking over to younger and wrapping him in his arms. “No, Boden isn’t mad. Worried, yes. Casey is too, though.” 

He can’t hold back the sob that escapes him or the ones that follow as he pretty much falls into Kelly, who is expecting it and just holds him tighter. They stand there for who knows how long as Evan shakes in the older’s arms and leaves marks on his back from where his nails dig in and wets their skin with tears. As the shaking stops and Evan can finally stand, Kelly slowly pulls away from him. 

It’s now that Kelly looks at him, he can finally breathe. This looks like his Evan. The man that was always so open with him and didn’t hide a damn thing from him. This is the man that he’s shared countless nights with in bed, tangled together in a lover's embrace. That he’s seen at his strongest and weakest, who’s seen him at his strongest and weakest and never once judged or shyed away from him. 

It’s now that Evan doesn’t feel like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders. Seeing Kelly at the firehouse had lifted a small bit of that weight and falling asleep curled into him had eased a bit more, but now after breaking down in front of someone he knows he doesn’t need to apologize to or will want him to. Who will never use anything to hurt him, all of it leaves him. 

He wipes at the tears on his face, a small laugh leaving him. “Fuck, I needed that.”   
Kelly grins, “Don’t we all?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and feelings on this chapter? I know it's not much, but it does show some insight into Buck and Kelly's relationship. 
> 
> Also, I just want to thank you to everyone who has read this. I woke up and saw twelve comments on this fic in less than 24 hours and I'm not going to lie, it made me cry. I've never had so many people tell me that they couldn't wait to see what would happen next or that they loved it. So, once again thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short after some last minute editing, which thank god. The original draft I was going to post just didn't fit right and felt off. But, after twenty minutes of studying hand placements and other things, I got this chapter how I wanted it to be. Hope you enjoy!

“Did Maddie tell you who visited Buck last shift?” Hen asks, as they settle around one of the tables two days later, a cup of coffee warming her hands.   
Chimney shakes his head, frowning. “She went over to his after her shift and got to meet him, but she wasn’t able to learn much about the guy. Just that they’ve known each other a few years and his name is Kelly.”   
Eddie frowns, it was weird to not know something about Buck.   
“He recognized her though, Kelly. Knew her name and everything. He answered the door and greeted her like they had met before.” Chimney shrugs, seeing the questioning looks. “Buck, probably talked about her.”   
“I did.” Buck says, making them all look at him. He’s smiling, but it’s tight, like he’s forcing it. “Kelly’s known me since I was nineteen, nothing he doesn’t know about me.” 

The words replay in Eddie’s head as he watches Buck get a cup of coffee. “Nothing he doesn’t know about me.” He had thought that he had known everything about Buck for a while, before realizing that the younger man kept things close to his chest. He could remember the team being shocked when they found out he had a sister. Eddie’s frown deepens as he realizes that while he might call Buck his best friend and let the man know everything about him, it was clear that Buck didn’t feel the same way about him. 

“Should we be concerned that Buck has known this man since he was nineteen and he looks a good ten years older?” Chimney asks, breaking Eddie from his thoughts, as he realizes that Buck had gone downstairs.   
Hen presses her lips together, concern also on her face. “Was Maddie?”   
“No, but I also don’t think she knew what to think.”   
“Do any of us really know what to think?” Hen asks. “We haven’t exactly talked to Buck in awhile and I can’t remember the last time I talked to him outside of work. We don’t know what’s going on with him anymore. This could’ve been a planned visit.”   
Eddie shakes his head, “We all saw Buck’s face when that guy showed up, this wasn’t planned. Something happened.” 

Before anyone else can say anything, Eddie’s headed down the stairs to where Buck is. Bobby sighs seeing where he went. “Is it too much for me to hope that we get a call before that escalates?”   
Hen laughs, but her eyes are glued to the two men down below, “You’ll never get a call if you ask for one.”

Eddie clears his throat, stealing Buck’s attention away from his phone. “Do you have plans for tomorrow?”   
“Uh, I was planning on taking Kelly around. Do some sightseeing since he’s never been to LA before. Why?” Buck’s eyebrows are furrowed and he’s tense. It makes Eddie feel uneasy, Buck hadn’t been like this around him since that first shift.   
“Christopher wanted to see you.” It’s the truth even if he is using his son as a way to get to Buck. “And I promised him that I would ask you if you could hang out with him tomorrow since I have to help out one of my cousins.”   
“I’d love to see the little guy.” There’s an easy smile on his face that Eddie can’t remember the last time he saw it. “I can’t exactly kick Kelly out of my place though, so if you don’t mind I could take Chris with us while we go sightseeing. We planned on going to the zoo anyway.”   
Eddie’s eyebrows raise, “Kelly won’t mind?” He’s not as uneasy as he thought he would be at the idea of Chris spending some of his day with Buck and some guy he doesn't know anything about.   
“Nah, he’ll be fine.” He waves off his concern like it’s nothing. “What about you though? I can understand if you’d rather leave Chris with someone else since Kelly would be tagging along.”   
Eddie smiles, reaching out to put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb pressing into his neck, just so he can feel that Buck’s heart is beating. “I meant it when I said there is no one in this world I trust with my kid with more than you. If you think that Kelly is someone Chris can be introduced to, I trust that.”   
“Thanks, man.” He clears his throat. “What time should I get him or did you want to drop him off?”   
Eddie draws back his hand, “I’ll drop him off around ten if that works for you?”   
“Yeah.” He then points to the storage closet. “I’ve got a closet to do inventory on.” 

The older man watches him take a clipboard from the desk they had recently set up, before disappearing into the mentioned closet. Eddie shakes his head, heading back up the stairs.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks, seeing everyone’s shocked faces.   
“It’s just the last conversation we saw you have with Buck, you looked ready to kill him. Things back to normal?”   
He shakes his head, “Not really. And we’ve talked a bit since then, mainly about Chris but it’s something.”   
Hen smiles at the mention of Chris. “Chris still calling him my Buck?”   
Eddie laughs, but nods. “Yeah, I don’t think he can get any cuter, but then when he asks to see Buck, it’s can I see my Buck.”   
The other two men at the table shake their heads, having not known that, but aren’t too surprised. Chris had taken to Buck like a duck to water and vice versa.


	4. Chapter 4

“How was your shift?” Kelly asks, eyes glued to the tv as he hears the sound of the front door closing.   
“Nice, surprisingly.” He laughs, before sitting next to him. “Are you really watching the news?”   
“It’s six in the morning, there isn’t much else on.” Kelly turns off the tv, not finding a point in watching it when Evan is sitting next to him. “Are you going to catch an hour or two before sightseeing?”   
“Normally, yes. But it was a slow shift, I was actually able to get a few hours and there’s been a slight change in plans.”   
His eyebrows raise, ”Everything okay?”  
“Yeah, it’s just Eddie asked me if I could watch Christopher for a few hours, so the three of us will be going to the zoo. Next day off I get, we can do some sight seeing.”   
“Eddie’s okay with this?”   
Evan blinks at the question, but nods. “Told me that if I trusted you, it was fine. You don’t mind right?”   
Kelly so badly wants to tear apart what Evan just told him, but nods. “I don’t mind at all. Besides I never thought I’d get to meet the little guy after hearing you talk about him so much.” Kelly then laughs, “Matt is going to be so jealous and I’m going to take some many pictures.”   
He shakes his head, but leans into the warm body next to him. “Don’t make him too jealous. He could decide to fly out here too and then I’d have to deal with an angry chief.”   
Kelly snorts, “When has Boden ever gotten mad at you?” When he doesn’t get an answer, he wraps an arm around him, pulling him closer. “Exactly, you're a little angel in his eyes.” The words are teasing, but true. 

When he had been in Chicago and around Boden, Evan had been on his best behavior. It also helped that he never caused any trouble when in Chicago. Not when he had Kelly grounding him, and Matt and before she passed Shay grounding Kelly. 

“Could we call Matt later?”   
“Do you one better, I'll get him to do a skype call, that way I don’t have to worry about him dropping his phone on his face and you stealing mine away.”   
“You say that as if you didn’t steal my phone yesterday and refused to give it back until I agreed to watch a movie with you.”   
“Worked didn’t it?”   
Evan rolls his eyes, “Yeah. Now shut up so I can take a nap.”   
“I thought-”   
“Nap time.”   
Kelly rolls his eyes, but sinks back into the couch. 

The two men spend the next three hours in and out of sleep. When the clock hits a quarter past nine, they both get up and start getting dressed for the day. It’s an easy routine between the two, as they throw clothes back and forth, Kelly’s clothes having quickly got mixed in with Evan’s. 

“Toss me the backpack.” Kelly says, reaching out for it.   
Evan easily tosses it over, “I’ll grab the first aid kit from the bathroom. Pack us both an extra shirt.”   
“Wallets at the bottom?”   
“After we pay admission.” Evan reenters the bedroom, passing over the kit. “Do you want to do lunch at the zoo or elsewhere?”   
“How good is the food?”   
He thinks about it for a moment, “Probably as good as it can be.”   
“Christopher can decide. You want some goldfish in here?”   
“Nah, I’ve got some granola bars though.”   
Kelly nods, as they both go downstairs to slip their shoes on and finish packing up. 

He sets the backpack down on the counter, leaving it open for Evan to throw in whatever else and if anything else that Eddie might think they would need for Christopher. It’s as if thinking of them, summoned them, as a knock on the door is heard. 

Kelly watches as Evan bounds over, a large grin on his face. Opening the door, he sees a semi-familiar face and little boy. “Bucky!” The little boy that has to be Christopher greets, before hugging the man. He watches as Evan hugs the little boy back, a hand cupping the back of his head as he holds him tight against him for a few seconds. 

As soon as they back away, Evan moves so he’s crouched down in front of the boy. Not minding that his front door is still open and Eddie is perfectly halfway through the door. “Are you excited?”   
Christopher nods, “Daddy told me on the way over that we’re going to the zoo.”   
Evan grins at him, nodding. “Yeah, me, you and my friend are all going to go.”   
Kelly quickly moves to his side, smiling down at the little boy. And as soon as he looks at him, Kelly understands why Evan loves him so much. “Hey, Christopher. My name’s Kelly. Your Buck has talked alot about you.”   
“Really?”   
He nods, “Yep, talks all the time about his superman.” He doesn’t miss how the kid seems to glow at the fact that Evan talks so much about him. 

Kelly drags his eyes away from Christopher to look at Eddie, and is surprised to see the man looking at Evan and Christopher with a fond look as Evan takes Christopher over to the couch. “Eddie, right?” He asks, extending his hand.   
“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you, Kelly.” He shakes his hand.   
Kelly glances over at Evan and seeing that he’s distracted, he takes half step closer. “I know you told Evan,” He ignores the mans flinch at hearing his first name and the curious look. “But, I wanted to double check that you're okay with me spending the day with them.”   
“That’s nice of you, man. But, it’s like I told him, I trust him to know who Chris can and can’t be introduced to.”   
Kelly nods, moving back. 

It’s at that same moment that Evan comes over and throws an arm around Kelly’s shoulders. “Alright, anything we need to take with us that we didn’t think of? I packed a first aid kit, some granola bars in case he can’t wait for lunch and some extra clothes. I’ll add the ones you packed.”   
Eddie shakes his head, but reaches for his wallet and pulls out a fifty. “For admission, lunch, and gas.”   
Kelly watches amused as Evan plucks both the wallet and bill from Eddie’s hands and stuffs the bill back where it was before tossing it back to the man. “Keep your money, man. I offered to take Christopher.”   
Eddie looks ready to try to fight him on it, but Kelly interrupts before he can. “I wouldn’t try it. Even if he does eventually take it from you he won’t use it and will find a way to give it back, with interest.”  
“Don’t know why I try anyway.” Eddie mutters, stuffing his wallet back in his pocket. He glances at his watch and wincing. “I better get going. Text me when you get there?”   
“Of course, man.”   
Eddie nods, before going over to the couch. 

Kelly looks away, not wanting to see him say goodbye to his son, it’s clear Evan feels the same way as he’s already looking at Kelly, drawing back from him. “I thought you were gonna be taking pictures to make Matt jealous.”   
He laughs, “Give me until we’re at the zoo and I’ll start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a week, but I'm finally back with a new chapter! I hope you guys liked this one!


	5. Chapter 5

“How is he actually doing?” Casey asks after Evan leaves to grab some more beer and something else he wouldn’t name from the store.   
Kelly rubs a hand over his face. “Not great. He broke down the first day I was here, he was fine the second day but the third. Fuck, he didn’t say anything to me until nearly midnight. He just wanted me to hold him, I think he was trying to crawl inside of my skin with me.”   
The frown on Casey’s face deepens at his words. “Do you think it has something to do with the people he works with?”   
“It has to. He doesn’t talk to anyone else here.” Kelly falls back into the couch before sitting back up. “You know I was at that station for barely ten minutes and I spotted so many violations or at least things that didn’t seem right. At least by Chicago’s standards.”   
Casey leans forward, “Is that why you asked what LAFD’s regulations looked like?”   
He nods, “And thank you for finding me what you did. I also texted Grissom.”   
“Jesus, Sev.” The admission that Kelly had willingly got into touch with Grissom hit Casey hard. “It felt that bad?”   
“Case, there is a glass wall that separates the floor from their lockers.”   
“On the second, right?”   
Kelly shakes his head, watching as Casey groans. “Yeah, pretty much how I felt.” 

It’s quiet between the two for a minute, before Kelly speaks again. “I’m scared, Matt.” The use of his first name immediately catches the captain's attention. “I’m scared that this place has broken him so much that I won’t be able to get him back.”   
“It hasn’t. He asked for help, you have to remember that. He asked for help and you came running as soon as you could. He’ll heal, it’ll be a long process but he has you. That’s all he needs right now.”   
Kelly nods, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Yeah, he’ll be okay.”

Evan comes bounding into the place nearly an hour after he left, breaking up the squabble that Kelly and Matt had gotten into over the last call they had together. Kelly looks around for what he bought, but only sees the beer.

They both talk to Matt for a few minutes before letting the man go, knowing that despite not having a shift, he had a busy day ahead of him. Kelly takes the offered beer from Evan, humming at the taste. “So, what else did you buy?”   
Evan grins at him, before taking a pull of the beer. “What do you think I bought?”   
There’s a look in the younger’s eyes that tells him what it was, but Kelly shakes his head. Not willingly to give in just yet. “Cigars. You talked about finding a good place a while back.”   
Evan shakes his head, getting up. “I did get that, but I also got something else.” He throws something at Kelly, making the man struggle to catch it and not spill his beer.  
He almost expects it to be the cigars, but his breath catches when he sees what’s in his hand. This was not what he had been expecting, not at all. “It’s opened.” Is all he manages to say.   
“Why do you think I was gone for nearly an hour?” 

Kelly lets out a laugh, of course it would happen like this. Like how he had expected, but also not at all. He stands up, placing his beer on the coffee table and letting the empty box fall out of his hands. Moving over to Evan, he takes the beer bottle from him and sets it on the kitchen counter, before backing him into it. He doesn’t ask if he’s sure, he wouldn’t have done anything if he wasn’t. Instead his hands find the younger’s waist, grabbing him tight. “Here or upstairs?”   
Evan grins, pressing into him. “How about both?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been over a month. In my defence though, I had email troubles aka I nearly lost my email, which means I nearly lost this. And I also have been doing some rewrites for a few chapters to make sure that everything is how I want it. I can't promise another month won't go by without an update, since my inspiration is all over the place, but I'll try my hardest not to let that happen. 
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry, to everyone who thought that Kelly and Buck had a sibling relationship. I thought I made it clear in chapter two, with "This is the man that he’s shared countless nights with in bed, tangled together in a lover's embrace." But, I really cleared that up this chapter I guess. Once again, my apologies, I wasn't trying to give them sibling relationship. They are just very complicated.


	6. Chapter 6

Everyone raises their eyebrows at Buck as he walks up the stairs. There’s an easy smile on his face and the weight of the world seems to have been lifted off his shoulders for the first time in who knows how long. He doesn’t seem to notice the confused looks he’s getting from everyone or the two extra additions to the table until after he has a cup of coffee in hand and is sitting at the head of the table opposite Bobby, leaving the chair next to Eddie empty.

“Maddie, Athena, I didn’t know you guys were going to be here.” He greets, with a large smile.   
Maddie returns it, happy to see her brother this happy. “I was dropping Chim off, but Bobby insisted I stayed for breakfast.”   
He makes a humming noise, glancing around the table. When they land on Eddie, the grin widens a fraction. “I forgot to say thank you when you picked up Christopher yesterday.”   
Eddie frowns, eyebrows furrowing. “Thank you for what?”   
“Kelly sent a friend of ours a picture of Chris and me while we were at the zoo to make him jealous. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Matt both happy and angry at the same time.”   
Eddie smiles, even though the explanation makes him more confused than anything. “Glad to help.” 

“You’re not talking about Taylor Kelly are you?” Athena looks at him with a disapproving glare.   
He makes a face, “no.” He reassures. “My friend flew in from Chicago a few days ago to come and see me.”  
Maddie frowns, “you’ve been to Chicago?”   
He nods, taking another sip of his coffee. “I lived there for like five years.”   
Her frown deepens and everyone else exchanges looks having not known that. 

Buck clears his throat, looking at Eddie. “Soon you’ll be hitting your second year as a firefighter, any plans?”   
He shrugs, “I don’t know. You got plans for hitting three years?”   
Eddie’s surprised by the look of confusion he gets. “If you mean three years of being with the 118, no. I’ve been a firefighter for five years, counting my first year.”   
Hen holds up a hand, “you’re telling me that when you get here, you had already been doing this job for about two years.”   
He nods, looking towards Bobby for a second. “Why do you think I never had a one year ceremony?” Looking back at Hen, he raises an eyebrow. “I know I was a punk, but c’mon. I knew how to do all the procedures with experience and I was never referred to as a probationary firefighter. Also, why does the LAFD call you a probtionary firefighter for your first year?” He looks at Chimney.   
The man shrugs, “Hell, if I know. Why? What were you called during your first year?”   
“Candidate. That’s how the CFD does it.”   
“Chicago?” Maddie guesses, seeing as he mentioned it earlier.   
Buck nods, “yep.” 

Bobby leans forward slightly in his seat, “What station were you at in Chicago? I know a few guys who are in the CFD.”   
“Uh, I was at 51, a busy house.”   
Bobby nods, he didn’t know anyone from there, but he had heard things from a few of his old buddies.   
“Why’d you transfer? I mean, Chicago to LA, that’s big.”   
Buck freezes at the question, before clearing his throat and looking at who asked it. “I needed a change and there was a spot open here.”   
Maddie goes to ask a follow up question to the one Hen had asked, but someone clearing their throat from the stair landing, makes her pause as they all look over. 

It’s Kelly standing there, a phone in hand. “Sorry to interrupt, but Evan left his phone in the car.” He doesn’t sound too sorry, but no one calls him out on it. He walks over and hands it to the blonde. “Herrmann called, so expect him to call you again in an hour.”   
Buck groans playfully, “You couldn’t tell him I was busy. I am on shift.”   
Kelly chuckles, and to everyone but Athena the sight is fascinating. “I put up with Matt yesterday, I’m not putting up with Herrmann today.” He looks over to Eddie, “I didn’t get to say it yesterday, but you have a good kid. One of the better ones I’ve seen.”   
“Thanks.” Eddie says, not bothered by the weird compliment. 

“Oh, Kelly, this is Athena Grant, she’s a sergeant with the LAPD. Athena, this is Kelly.” Everyone notices the lack of a last name, as Buck introduces the two.   
Kelly reaches over to shake her hand, “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”   
She nods, “You too, Kelly.” She watches as he looks around, a fond look on his face as he takes in the parked vehicles below.   
“It’s so weird not seeing a squad truck.”   
Buck makes a noise in agreement, nudging the man the best he can while he’s sitting and the other is standing. “I know right? Was weird the first few months here and not seeing one.” The two share a look, that makes the others feel more out of the place than the conversation. 

“Are you a firefighter, Kelly?” Athena asks, hoping to learn something about this man and how exactly he knows the youngest member of the 118.   
He nods, “Yes, I’m a squad lieutenant.”   
“Lieutenant? You have those down in Chicago?” Chimney asks.   
Kelly looks at Buck, confused before it clicks for him. “I forgot that the LAFD runs differently. But, yeah we have lieutenants, then captains, a battalion chief is in charge of the station and then you’ve got the fire commissioner.”   
Chimney lets out a whistle at the information, “chain of command is long.”   
“It should be. Things get done easier and there’s less questions.” There’s a sharp edge to his voice that no one can tell the reason for, but it’s clear that Buck knows with the way he sighs and gets up. 

“C’mon, you should be getting back. You’ve got like three seasons still to catch up on.”   
“Well, if you hadn’t left I wouldn’t be this behind.”   
Maddie stops breathing at the remark, it’s playful in tone but to her it stings. She waits for the hurt or anger Buck might have. Instead, he laughs. Throwing an arm around the older man, “don’t know if I really left with the way you blow up my phone.”   
Kelly shakes his head, “yeah, not like I don’t have a few dozen texts from you everyday.” 

The rest of their banter they can’t hear as they finally hit the ground floor. 

“Who exactly is that?” Athena asks, looking around the table. When no one says anything, she lifts an eyebrow. “Not a single one of you know who Kelly is?”   
“Didn’t you hear Buck, he’s a friend from Chicago.”   
Athena looks at Eddie, unimpressed with his tone. “You left your son with him and Buck yesterday, and you expect me to believe that you don’t know more than we do?”   
“I don’t.” He picks up his coffee, before setting it down. “I honestly don’t know who Kelly is. I had never heard the name before, or Matt, or Herrmann. I also didn’t know he lived in Chicago before.”   
“I haven’t heard any of those names either. You aren’t the only one out of the loop.” Maddie tells him, a frown on her face.   
Chimney glances towards the staircase, not seeing Buck, he speaks. “Are we really that shocked? Out of all of us, even Maddie and Bobby, Buck is the most private. We didn’t even know Maddie existed until she showed up.” 

Before anyone else can say anything, the bell rings and they start rushing down the stairs, Maddie and Athena staying where they are.


	7. Chapter 7

Kelly sighs, glancing at his watch for the fifth time. “Where are you?” He mutters, under his breath. He could see that everything was parked, yet Evan still hadn’t appeared despite his shift having ended nearly thirty minutes ago. In the two weeks he’s had to pick up Evan from work, he always appears within five minutes of his shift ending. With another sigh, he starts to open the door, only for the passenger door to open. 

“I know, I know. I made you wait.” Evan says, the words nearly slurring together with how fast he’s talking, door slamming shut after the fourth word.  
“It’s fine, I was just worried something happened.” It’s then that he looks at Evan and his heart stops. He has a black eye and a busted lip, that hadn’t been there the last time he had seen him. “What the fuck happened?” He can’t even try to control his anger, not when it looked like Evan got hit a few times and he had no way of knowing if he had any other bruises or marks on him.  
“A guy on our last call, he was pissed and I was trying to clear room for Hen and Chim to work and he didn’t take me interfering well.”  
Kelly grabs his jaw gently, turning his head. “And no one stopped him?”  
“They did after a few punches, no one had realized what was going on. It was nuts.”  
“Where were the cops?”  
Evan shifts, with a wince. The older man was used to more hands being on deck in Chicago from cops always being on scene and bigger crews. “They hadn’t arrived yet. A neighbor called in, we arrived first and then the cops did. When they got there, they immediately arrested the guy.”  
“Good.” He moves his hand to Evan’s neck, squeezing gently. “Do I need to take you to the hospital?”  
He shakes his head, “I’m okay. I’m off until the bruising heals up though.”  
“Thank god for small mercies.” Kelly mutters, under his breath, taking his hand away so he can start the car. 

“You really hate the LAFD, don’t you?”  
Kelly glances over, “I don’t hate them, but I don’t like them. Do you?”  
Evan shrugs, “I think they have a few problems, but I also think I got spoiled with the CFD.”  
He nods, switching lanes. “You up for a talk later?”  
“Yeah, I’m up for it.” The car fills with silence as they continue the drive back to Evan’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a date late, but chapter eight will be coming out on the 30th of this month!


	8. Chapter 8

2011 & 2012

Kelly rubs at his shoulder, wincing when his thumb presses down to hard. With a sigh, his hand drops and his head hits the wall behind him. He can feel the need for something to dull the pain, but with Shay cutting him off, he doesn’t know what to do. Anna was an option, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do that to himself. Use sex as more than a coping mechanism or something fun to do, but as a way to get drugs. 

He kicks at the ground, cursing. What had he turned into? Why had he let it get this bad? Why was he so insistent on telling everyone everything was fine, when they tried to even slightly push? With a sigh, he stands straight, no longer leaning against the outside of 51. It’s as he goes to kick the ground again, something catches his eye. 

There’s a guy standing on the sidewalk, a backpack slung over his shoulder, as he looks at 51 in wonder. He can’t make out to many details, other than he looks more built than any of the guys at the firehouse and his hair is close to being blonde and curly. Without thinking he walks over to the guy, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind asking him why he was doing this, when he always shied away from talking to people who visited the house unless they were there for him. 

“Hey, man.” Kelly greets, stopping a foot away from the guy. It’s now that he’s so close to him and the guy is looking at him, he realizes that while the guy might already be built and just an inch or two taller, he’s young.  
The guy clears his throat, scanning him. “Hi.” He shuffles nervously, “I didn’t mean to stare, it’s just it’s a nice house.”   
Kelly’s eyebrows raise at the word house. “Are you in the academy?”   
The guy snorts, “Oh, no. It was recommended to me, but I haven’t figured out if it’s something I want to do.”   
“Well, my names Kelly, Kelly Severide, if you have any questions about what we do here, I could answer them.” He extends a hand, and isn’t too surprised by the firm grip that the other has.   
“Evan Buckley, most people call me Buck, though.” It’s the first time since Kelly has seen him, that he’s smiling, and something in Kelly wants to always make him smile, to always make sure he has a smile on his face. “And it’s not a firefighter related question, but do you know where the nearest hotel is? Or even a motel?”   
“You're not from here?” When Evan shakes his head, he chuckles nodding. “Well, it depends on how long you plan on staying and what funds you got.”   
“Money’s not an issue. And I don’t know, probably a month or two.”   
Kelly’s eyebrows draw together at that. He didn’t know what bothered him more. His mind quickly thinks through all the places he knows, and it’s only because of practice that his nose doesn’t wrinkle at the idea of this guy staying at one of them for more than a week. Kelly glances down at his watch, an idea coming to mind. “Stay here, I’ll be back in like five minutes.” He waits for Evan to agree, before he jogs into the house.

He ignores everyone looking at him, as he continues to make his way to Boden’s office. The door is open, despite him talking to Casey. Wrapping his knuckles on the door frame, he doesn’t look at Casey, eyes glued to Boden. “Hey, can I take the rest of the shift off? I know we’ve only got an hour left, but something came up.”   
Boden looks at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out if he’s telling the truth, before nodding. “Tell Capp he’s in charge.”   
“Thanks, Chief.” He knocks his knuckles against the door frame again, before leaving to the locker room. 

He doesn’t know if he’s ever changed and packed up his stuff so quickly. He considers shoving his squad jacket in his duffel, after sliding on his leather one, but decides against, instead choosing to hold onto it as he walks. He’s surprised to see his squad gathered around the table with truck, but shakes it off. “Capp,” he waits for the other man to look at him, everyone’s eyes on him. “You’re in charge for the rest of shift.” Before anyone can say anything, he leaves as quickly as he can. 

Kelly is pleased to see that Evan is standing where he left him. The younger raises his eyebrows at his change of clothes and the bag on his shoulder. “Get some breakfast with me?” He means for it to come out as a question, but he misses by a few inches.   
Evan laughs, “Doesn’t sound like I have choice in the matter, but okay.” 

\- 

“Do you want help?”   
Kelly jerks away from the bathroom counter where he had been trying to open a bottle of tylenol with one hand. He stares at the nineteen year old, before nodding.   
He wordlessly opens the bottle and before Kelly can tell him how many he needs, he’s shaking out five into his hand. He wonders for a moment just how Evan knew that he would want that many, need that many. But he shakes the thought away, knowing better to question something so good. Swallowing the pills, he has to try hard to not laugh at Evan’s face. “You disgust me.”   
Kelly lets out a small laugh, taking a swig of water. “You’re just jealous I can dry swallow pills, while you have go through half a cup of water for one.”   
He pouts him, “It’s too early for you to tease me.”   
“It’s nine.”   
“Yeah and you haven’t fed me.”   
Kelly rolls his eyes, pushing the younger out of the bathroom, as they make their way to the kitchen. “You know, I don’t remember that being part of the deal when you moved in, that I would be required to feed you.”   
“It wasn’t until you found out I wasn’t eating three meals a day and demanded I start.” That look is back on Evan’s face, the one where he looks at Kelly as if he’s his favorite person in the whole world.   
“Three meals a day is important, especially if you want to keep your muscles.” 

\- 

His leg bounces up and down as he waits for anything, for a text, a call, for the apartment door to open. He’s been this way since Kelly left for the appointment, finally having told his chief that he needed help and had an injury. When the apartment door opens and then is slammed shut, Evan stands up quickly. 

“Recovery time has been extended if I get it and apparently no one goes back to duty with this kind of surgery. What kind of answer is that?” Kelly is angry, but there’s fear in his voice.  
Evan draws him into a hug, not minding that he is just standing there while Evan wraps himself around the older man. ‘That was one doctor. You can get a second opinion.”   
“What is this the only option though?”   
Evan pulls away to take his face into his hands. “It can’t be and it isn’t.”   
Kelly looks at him confused, “What are you talking about?”   
He drops his hands, taking a few steps back. “You know how you asked for the scans to be sent to you right after you got them, even though you wouldn’t be able to read them and you would need to wait for your next appointment to go over them?” Kelly nods, so he continues. “I went into your email and downloaded them and sent them to my dad.”   
“Evan,” Kelly breathes, “why?”   
“He isn’t a good dad, maybe not even a good person, but he’s an amazing doctor. Besides he owed me a favor, I called it in. He sent them to a colleague of his, you have an appointment with him in a few hours, over skype, but it’s something.” 

Before he knows what he’s doing, which is something that happens too often with him when it comes to Evan, Kelly is pulling him down slightly, and pressing their lips together. The other man is frozen for a few seconds, before he starts to kiss him back, hands grabbing at his waist to pull him closer. 

When they break apart, breathing heavy, Kelly waits for regret to set in or panic, but it doesn’t come. Instead he feels at ease, like this is what he should’ve done when he first spotted Evan on that sidewalk. 

“I don’t deserve you.”   
“You deserve more than me.” Maybe he should be questioning such heavy words that are coming from someone who is over a decade younger than him, but he can’t. Not when Evan is looking at him like he always does, like he needs Kelly to be able to breathe, to live, to feel.


	9. Chapter 9

Evan doesn’t bother trying to hold off the conversation. It’s one that needs to happen, it’s one he wants to have, he needs to have. He’s been telling Kelly too little to feel comfortable, always giving the man the big picture, despite knowing that he needs all the little details that make it up. 

“I never lied.” He starts off, his eyes glued to the hands that are holding his. “I didn’t tell you a lot of things or I guess I left a lot of things out, but I never lied.”   
Kelly squeezes his hands, “I know, Evan.”   
He clears his throat, seeing a tear fall onto their joined hands. “It started after the bomb incident and my leg got crushed.” He pauses, wondering just how Kelly is going to deal with this, with everything he had been keeping quiet as to not anger the man. “Three people visited me in the hospital when I was there for three weeks. Maddie, Carla, and Ali, that’s it. Apparently the team had been in the waiting room when the surgery happened, but once they heard that I would survive they left.” He shakes his head, he had excused their behavior at the time, not even thinking of it, but now saying it out loud. 

“When I got out of the hospital, no one visited other than Maddie. I mean there was Ali, but she left me after she brought me home. She left me because she couldn’t accept that I still wanted to be a firefighter even after what happened to me.” He looks at Kelly, tears feeling warm on his face.   
The older man doesn’t say anything, just tightens his hold on his hands, despite the urge to just gather him up and hold him tight.   
“That’s when I visited you. I got the clear from my doctor to travel after a few more weeks, told Maddie some half-assed lie about going for a month-long retreat to this rehab place and left for Chicago.” He doesn’t know why he’s telling Kelly this, when the man already knows this part. He knows how after Ali broke up with him, although not the reasons, that he went to see him for a month. But, then the next words slip from his lips and it becomes clear why his tongue had decided to relay that part of the story. “And seeing you I felt like I could breathe again. And being in Chicago with everyone it felt like home and I just felt better than I have in so long. I didn’t care about not being able to work with you guys, because everyone was always checking in, and I got to work at Molly’s again and see everyone.” He pulls his hands from out of Kelly’s, to wipe at his face. 

“Then I came back and I felt worse than I had before. I was here for another a month before I saw anyone, and this marked five months since I had seen anyone on the team, really? And it wasn’t just on them, I was trying to get back to work and get recertified. And then two weeks after,” He stops himself, taking a deep breath, before moving on. “Eddie comes over, he lets himself in, makes me get out of bed.” Evan is focused on the loose thread of the rug beneath his coffee table, that he doesn’t see the way Kelly seems to lean in as he starts to talk about Eddie. “And he has Christopher with him, telling me to take him somewhere fun for the day while he works. So we go to the pier.”   
“Evan.” Kelly breathes, making noise for the first time since he started talking. He had known that Evan had been on the pier when the tsunami happened, had even known he had been off duty. He had no idea that he had been with Christopher.   
“It was such a good day, I mean Christopher was so happy and I could feel myself brightening up, but then all the water just vanished, before I could even think I grabbed Christopher and just ran. I put him in one of those game booths, before getting myself in there with him. And then I lost him as soon as the first wave hit.” His voice sounds so broken to even his own ears. “I managed to find him, Kelly, only to lose him again. I lost Christopher two times in one day and Maddie when I called her, it was like that didn’t matter to her. I walked through half a city trying to find him and Maddie couldn’t even seem to grasp that he mattered so much more than me. It was like I was talking to her about a stuffed animal or piece of jewelry.” His hands tighten to fists, before he takes a deep breath trying to calm himself down. 

“I was at one of the emergency hospitals and I was about to start looking for him again, but Eddie was there and he saw me. And I had to tell him that I lost his son.” Evan breaks as he practically whispers the words, crying into Kelly’s shoulder as the man wraps his arms around him.   
“But you didn’t, Evan. Not really.” Kelly doesn’t know the rest of the story, but he does know that Christopher is alive and that despite what happened Eddie didn’t seem to blame him for losing Christopher.   
His next words are muffled, “He came over two days later with Christopher. He wanted me to watch him again. Told me that there was no one in the world he trusted more with his son.”   
With that revelation, everything clicks for Kelly.

He remembers the first few times he heard about the man from Evan, he had teased the younger about having a crush, and wasn’t surprised when Evan said that he did, but he also didn’t see it going anywhere. Kelly’s mind takes him back to when Eddie had dropped Christopher off and then picked him up. There was a fond look that he had directed at Evan and Christopher, only it didn’t leave his face when he was only looking at Evan. He wonders if Evan knows that his best friend here in LA looks at him with such intensity. 

Evan pulls away from him after a few minutes, wiping away the tears. “I just wish he had never told me that. I wish that he hadn’t brought Christopher over after the tsunami.” The whispered confession, makes Kelly frown.   
“Why?”   
He looks up from his lap, “Kelly, you have to understand why I didn’t tell you about some of what I’m going to tell you.” He swallows around the lump in his throat. “I was scared about what you would do.”   
“What are you talking about?” His eyes narrowed, voice firm.   
“After visiting you and a month passed, I was told I got the okay to work again. Later that day, I got invited to a dinner. Turns out it was to celebrate me coming back. It was really nice seeing everyone and getting to celebrate and just being with my team, but I had a pulmonary embolism at the party.”   
“You what?” Before he can respond, Kelly gets up and begins pacing, fear gripping him even though Evan is in front of him, breathing. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. You didn’t even call or text me. Didn’t say you were in the hospital again. I mean what were you thinking?”   
Evan stands up, “I wasn’t okay!” He’s yelling now and it makes Kelly stop in his tracks. “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t even get a chance to think. I had a doctor telling me that the reason for the pulmonary embolism was because I was pushing myself too hard, when in actuality it was the fucking screws they put in my leg. And then I have my captain telling me that because I had to be placed on blood thinners, the higher ups think I’ll be a liability but in a few weeks I could get put on light duty and he fucking lied! He lied to me about my job!” 

It’s quiet between them for a moment, before Kelly sits down again, silently letting Evan have the floor to finish what he needs to say. He continues to stand, needing to be moving in some capacity. “I didn’t know at the time that he was lying, I didn’t find out until after the tsunami.” Kelly curses under his breath, realizing what that means. “But, before I found and after everything that happened, I went on light duty and was a fire marshall for a bit.” Kelly chuckles at that, remembering all the times Evan had called him while he was still in uniform. 

“I talked to Bobby after the 118 did their drill to give him the report and found out they replaced me. And it’s not like I didn’t think someone would be put in on the team to help out, it’s just they covered my name up on my locker for her to use. And when I tried to talk to Bobby about coming back he just told me that when I was ready I could return to work. And that was the problem. I was ready, I was ready.” He repeats.  
Kelly nods, knowing exactly what Evan was going through.   
“I went to dinner at Bobby’s that night. It was him, his wife Athena, and me. It was going good, but then I started to talk to him about being ready to come back and how it was stupid that higher-ups wouldn’t let me work yet, and Bobby.” He pauses, the wound still feeling fresh. “He told me that it wasn’t the higher-ups that didn’t want me to come back. It was him. He told them that he didn’t want me on the team.”   
“All because of the blood thinners? You can work on those. You are allowed to work on those.”   
“I know, but that didn’t matter to him. And I was just so fucking hurt and mad, that I left and I met up with this lawyer that I had met during the drill. He had told me before that he was going to be suing the 118 due to negligence, which I have to admit as much as it kind of pains me he wasn’t wrong about wanting to do.”   
“What did you do?” 

He remembers when Maddie found out and she had asked that same question, only when she asked him, it had stung. The disappointment was clear in her voice. 

“I started a lawsuit on Bobby for wrongful termination.” He braces himself for Kelly’s reaction. He’s been too calm since he started talking about the lawsuit, even if there is a fire in those blue eyes of his.   
“Did you win?”   
“Technically. They settled, but then I dropped it.”   
“How much?”   
“Seven million.”   
“Good.” His voice is hard.

He can feel himself relax at the tone. Kelly is angry, yes. But it’s not at him. “I was told not to talk to anyone during the lawsuit, so I didn’t. But, no one reached out for the two weeks it ran on. They were all so angry at me and Bobby didn’t even tell them why I was suing him and it was exhausting. It’s not like I think that either of us were the bad guy and I know I rushed into the lawsuit, but I was treated like I killed someone.” Evan let’s Kelly pull him down onto the couch. “There’s so much talk about how the 118 is a family and maybe it is. But, it isn’t for me.” 

Kelly holds him tight, mind racing and anger boiling under his skin. He couldn’t understand the 118’s actions and he was willing to bet that even without his bias towards Evan he would feel the same way. It was forgivable to ignore someone, even adding in the life changing traumatic experience that Evan went through. But, was it forgivable when it was family? Kelly couldn’t count how many times someone at 51 had been through something and sure they might want to ignore it or try to, but no one at 51 got ignored. At the very least not on purpose. 

He could admit to not being the nicest man. He could even admit that despite everything, he knew that he was at one point considered the least friendly person at the house and he knew that was his fault. But, even then when he snapped at everyone and threw things in their face, never once did they ignore him. Not for a week, a month, or months on end, not once. Kelly couldn’t comprehend what Buck had gone through and it was only now that he was breaking. Only after months of this, was he finally asking for help. 

“I have to ask, why are you still here? Boden would give you a job in a heartbeat. If Chicago is home.” If I’m home. “Why don’t you leave?”   
“I don’t know.” He hesitates, “I guess I just never really let myself think that I could go back to Chicago, even after I went back for that month.”   
“Why?”   
He avoids the older man's eyes, “Can we do this later, please.” He adds, when Kelly looks like he’s going to protest. “I want to take a shower and then sleep.”   
Kelly lets him go, watching as he goes upstairs, wondering the reason behind Buck not thinking he could come back to Chicago, back to him.


	10. Chapter 10

Kelly drops the subject. He lets Evan shower and eat dinner in peace and even eat breakfast the next morning without saying a word on why he didn’t think he could come back to Chicago. But as it approaches noon, he shuts off the tv where they had been watching their third episode of a nature documentaries series that he had found for Evan. 

“Why didn’t you think you could ever come back to Chicago?”  
Kelly’s chest tightens at the look on Evan’s face that’s pure heartbreak. “Because, I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I want nothing more to be in our city, but I can’t. Not when things with Stella are getting more and more serious. I can’t…” He trails off, blinking back tears.   
The confession leaves reeling, it's all things he’s heard before, Evan loving him more than anyone else in his life, he’s said those exact words back to him. But he’s stuck on him mentioning Stella. “What do you mean? Stella and I aren’t together. We never were together.”   
“Kelly, we didn’t have sex once when I visited, we barely kissed. And it seems like every shift I worked at Molly’s I heard people talking about you and her, how you were getting a ring and ready to take that step.”   
“We didn’t have sex because of doctors orders. And we barely kissed because usually we ended up in bed, on the floor, the couch, or against a wall when we do. I don’t think I’ve ever taken so many cold showers.” The admission earns him a quiet huff of laughter and he smiles before he grows serious again. “I never thought about marrying Stella, all we were was fuck buddies and that didn’t last long.” Kelly shifts, leaning towards the younger man and taking one of his hands in his. “Evan, there is only one person I’ve ever even thought about marrying after Renee and that’s you.”   
“You never said.”   
“I know and that’s on me for not expressing that.” And before he can think it through, he slips off the couch and onto one knee, still gripping Evan’s left hand tight. “I want to marry you, Evan Buckley. I want to give you everything you deserve even though you deserve better than me and what I can give you. I want so many things for you and I’m willing to wait if you aren’t ready. And I’m willing to let you go if you decide that you want someone else.” His grip tightens on Evan’s hand at the same time Evan’s grip tightens on his, the two men sharing a laugh at the reaction of the idea of actually being with someone that isn’t the other. “I’ve wanted you since the day I met you and there hasn’t been a day since and won’t be a day that I won’t want you.”   
“Are you proposing?”   
“No, I’m promising.”   
His smile seems to grow larger at that, “I’ve wanted you since the day we met too and I can’t ever see a day I won’t want you. And it’s me who’s never deserved you.”   
“Agree to disagree.” 

Evan lets out a laugh that’s nearly too loud and Kelly gets off his knee to sit back on the couch, letting go of his hand in the process. “Oh, I see we only hold hands when we talk now.” He jokes.   
The older man rolls his eyes and before Evan can say anything else, he pulls him into a kiss. It reminds him of their first, how Evan freezes before relaxing into. Kelly smiles at the slight dazed and hungry look in his eyes when he pulls away. “I love you.”   
“Love you too.” 

He goes to lean in again when the sound of Evan’s phone ringing sounds into the space. “If that’s Matt or Hermann, I’m throwing them out a window.”   
Evan laughs at his words, as he gets up to answer his phone. He frowns seeing who it is. “It’s Bobby.” 

“Bobby? Is everything alright?” Kelly makes a motion with his hands that makes him roll his eyes but comply with the silent request. Pulling the phone away from his ear he puts it on speaker.   
“Everything’s fine, Buck. I just wanted to check to see if you have plans for tonight.”   
“Uh, if this about covering a shift, you know I’m off until the bruises heal up.”   
The captain laughs, the sound slightly filled with static. “No, everyone’s coming over to the house tonight, or at least Athena and me are trying to get everyone to come over tonight. I already called Chimney and he said that he and Maddie are going to come. You were my next call.”   
“Oh,” Evan frowns and Kelly shrugs when Evan looks over at him. “I’d love to come, but Kelly would be coming with me. That alright?”   
“More the merrier.” Bobby chuckles. “Get there by five and don’t worry about bringing anything, we’ve got everything covered.”   
“Got it. See you then.” Before Bobby can reply Evan hangs up. 

“You know what’s going to get me through this whole thing?” Kelly says before Evan can say anything.   
He raises an eyebrow.   
“The idea of Voight finding out all of this and coming here.”   
Evan lets out a laugh, slightly horrified by the idea. “If I let you drag me to bed right now, will you not even mention the name Voight during dinner?”  
“It’s funny how you think Voight is one of the names I’d bring up, but I’ll take that.”   
Before he can protest and say that Kelly isn’t allowed to bring up any of the people he’s thinking of, he’s being pulled up the stairs to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's uh... been awhile. Just a couple of days, weeks, not months. No... 
> 
> Yeah, I'm sorry about the long wait but uh all the inspiration left me for this fic and has just now returned, so enjoy this chapter. I literally just wrote this and after posting this will be working on the next one. I don't foresee many more chapters in the future. 
> 
> And thank you guys for all your comments and for still hanging onto this story. I hope you like this chapter and what's coming next. Please leave me so more comments with how you feel and what you think is going to happen next.


	11. Chapter 11

“I thought Bobby told you not to bring anything?”   
Evan grins, accepting the hug that Athena offers him. “When have I ever listened to him? Besides, it’s your favorite.” He hands over the bottle of wine to Athena before stepping back slightly.   
“Thank you, Buck.” Her eyes then focus on the man standing to his left and slightly behind him. “It’s nice to see you again, Kelly.”   
“You too, Athena. And thank you for letting me come to dinner.”   
“Any friend of Bucks is welcome.” Athena doesn’t notice the look the two men share at her words as she leads them down the short staircase and into the backyard. 

Entering the backyard, Kelly is quickly thrown into meeting Karen, Michael, and May. Both him and Evan notice the lingering stares on them, but only share a smile, a little too used to be looked at when together. It seems like it was timed for him to meet everyone but the kids because as soon as he’s finished being introduced to Michael, it’s time for dinner and everyone’s sitting down, with the kids sitting at a different table. 

Kelly sits with Evan on his left and May on his right. And just as he nudges Evan to silently say it’s not too bad. A throat clears, someone speaking for the first time that aren’t compliments for the food since they started eating. 

“So, how long is it you’ve known Buck?” Athena asks, taking a sip of wine, her eyes slightly narrowed at Kelly.   
Kelly wipes at his mouth. “Nearly ten years. I met him when he was nineteen.”   
“That long?” Michael eyebrows raise. “Wow. How did you two meet?”   
The two share a look and with a barely there nod, Kelly knows what story to go with. “He was looking for a place to stay for a month or two, and then a month or two turned into five years.”   
“Wait, when you were in Chicago you lived with him the whole time?”   
He looks at his sister, nodding. “Yeah, him and one of his friends Shay. And then after Shay it was him and Matt.” Leaving out the gaps and inbetweens where it had just been the two of them.  
“Matt? Is that the guy you were trying to make jealous?” Eddie asks, the name clicking into place.   
“Yeah.” Evan laughs at the reminder of the texts he had gotten from the man after being spammed with pictures of Kelly, Christopher, and him at the zoo. “He wasn’t too happy that Kelly got to meet Christopher after hearing me talk about him.”   
“Happy? I thought he was going to get on a flight out here just to meet him too.”   
Evan stifles a laugh, patting Kelly’s leg. “Just think you now have one thing to hold over him.”   
Kelly bites back what he wants to say, seeing the looks that nearly everyone is exchanging. 

“Well, I give you props for living with Buck for five years. I could barely handle a month.”   
“If anyone deserves props it was Shay. She ruled the apartment.” Kelly says.   
“Expect in the mornings. She was useless in the mornings.”   
They share a smile that's tinged with sadness at the thought of Shay. “She was the one that convinced him to be a firefighter. He had thought about it, but she was the one who kicked him into gear.”   
“Yeah, you just pulled strings and favors, funded it.”   
Kelly snorts, “I called my dad, who met you like twice at that point and was just waiting for me to tell him that you wanted to be a firefighter. I didn’t pay for shit.” Kelly winces as the last word leaves his mouth, glancing over to where the kids are minus May, but they seem to be entranced by something he can’t see.   
“Your father was a firefighter?”   
“He was. One of the reasons I wanted to be a firefighter was to be like him.”   
“Was he also a firefighter in Chicago?” It’s Bobby that asks instead of Athena.   
“Yeah, I was born and raised. We’ve only ever been firefighters in Chicago.”   
“It’s a nice city.”   
“One of the best.”   
“Agreed.” Evan says, nudging Kelly. 

Bobby goes to ask another question, when Evan’s phone starts ringing. “I swore I put this thing on silent before we left.” He frowns seeing who's calling and shows the screen to Kelly before getting up. “I’ll be right back.” 

Everyone at the table watches as he disappears to take the call. And as soon as he’s out of sight everyone seems to be looking at Kelly. “How old were you exactly when you met, Buck?”   
“Mom!”   
“Athena,”   
“I was thirty-one.” Kelly sends a grateful smile to both May and Michael for trying to defend him even if they themselves seemed to be curious. “He asked me for a recommendation for a place to stay and after hearing him say he was planning on staying in Chicago for a month or two, I offered him my roommates and I’s couch.”   
“He lived with you for five years, lived in Chicago for five years and has never mentioned you or that he lived there. Why?”   
His eyes flicker over to Maddie and he jerks his head towards her. “None of you knew she even existed until she showed up. Evan’s private, I can’t tell you why he didn’t tell you or thought to mention it.” He smiles at them, and he knows that they can tell that it’s fake, but he doesn’t care. 

“He lets you call him Evan.”  
“He does.”   
Maddie seems to struggle with her next question, but gets it out. “Does everyone in Chicago call him that?”   
“No. Just me.”   
Her mouth opens at that, but before she can say whatever she wants to, Evan is back, a tight expression on his face. 

He keeps his voice low as he sits back next to Kelly. “That was Matt. He tried reaching you, but after the third time he called me.”   
Kelly frowns, reaching for his phone only to find it missing. “I must've left it at the apartment.”   
“I figured.” Evan nods. “Someone broke into the loft while he was on shift. Nothing important was taken, just some food. But Vo-” He stops himself from saying the name. “CPD is checking it out just in case. They’re pretty certain this is just the typical but they want to be sure.”   
“Shit. Matt’s all good?”   
“Yeah, barely fazed him but he wanted you to know now before he forgot about or CPD contacted you. He’s also buying whatever security system they recommend.”   
Kelly waves that away, “Just send him a link for the one you got Maddie. They’ll recommend the same one or something on the cheap side, and he’ll probably go with that one.”   
“Yeah, because Matt of all people is who would buy something on the cheaper side.” 

“I’m sorry, how do you know that I have a security system?” Maddie’s eyes are slightly wide.   
“I asked Kelly to ask some of his contacts in the CPD what the best security system on the market was. One of them who does private security on the side, recommended it.”   
“Antonio got you a pretty good deal on that, if I remember correctly.”   
“Yes, he did.”   
“Wait, you bought Maddie a security system?” Everyone looks at Chimney with a raised eyebrow. “What? I know why, I just thought that she had bought it.”   
“No, I did. Bought it, installed it, reinstalled it. Maddie didn’t exactly have the funds at the time for it and I wasn’t going to let her buy something cheap that wouldn’t work half the time.” 

Kelly squeezes Evan’s knee. Able to feel how tense he is with the way everyone seems to be looking at him. “I know I’ve gotten some crazy calls living in Chicago, but I can only imagine the calls you get living here with all the social media stuff.”   
“Oh, you wouldn’t be able to imagine.” Hen replies, making everyone laugh. “I mean, there’s the normal crazy and then there’s I’m filming myself being stupid crazy.”   
“I’ll drink to that.” Athena toasts, raising her wine glass before taking a sip.   
“We had one where this guy had a microwave on his head filled with cement and he went into the pool.” Chimney tells Kelly. “His two friends needed a guinea pig and he was stupid enough to do it.”   
“Yeah, we actually had a second call with them, he really needs better friends.” Hen laughs.   
Karen shakes her head, “I think it’s safe for me to say this for both Michael and me as the two people at this table who are not first responders of any kind, I will never understand how you can do your job and continue to do it.”   
“Now, that I can drink too.” Michael mutters. 

“One of Evan’s first calls at 51, we got called to this apartment building, a pregnant woman in distress. He hadn’t really found his footing yet, I mean he was a natural, everyone at the house loved him, but it was jitters. And we got there and she had gotten trapped when the staircase had started to fall away. We couldn’t get her down safely, so we had to move her up to the landing that was still intact and that’s when we realized that she was in labor. The landing was too small for more than one of us to fit there with her and Evan was the only one of us who had also taken the paramedic training at our friend Shay’s instance, so we all watched as five shifts in, he delivered a baby with practically no help.” Kelly laughs, his arm moving to rest around Evan’s shoulders. “He was amazing.”   
“Baby was healthy too. Eight pounds, six ounces, all ten fingers and toes. She and her mom made it safely to the hospital and moved into a much safer, up to code, apartment building.”   
“Yeah, for like the week after that you drank for free pretty much, in 51 tradition.” 

“51 tradition?”   
Kelly frowns looking at the other firefighters in front of him. “Yeah, we’ve got a bunch of them. But, one of them is when you deliver a baby for the first time, everyone at the house has to buy you a round. Don’t you guys have any traditions?”   
“I mean when someone comes back we get them a cake, but other than that not really.”   
“You don’t pass around a boot?”   
“Kelly,” Evan says, shaking his head and Kelly sighs, but doesn’t say anything else.   
“Wait, you pass around a boot? What for?” Chimney asks, laughing.   
It’s with a sigh that Evan starts to explain. “It’s a tradition for the firefighters and police in Chicago. When one of them gets injured, we ask people to help fill up a boot to help with the costs for medical, rent, or whatever they need some extra help with. Kelly so far has only had one, I’ve had one too.”   
Kelly shakes his head and holds up two fingers. “After the firetrucking bombing we did another for you. And don’t worry, I took care of it.” 

“What was the first one for?”   
Evan bites at the inside of his bottom lip for a moment, but decides to tell them. “We were in a warehouse that had ten people trapped inside, as I was checking the northside, the weight shifted due to the fire and a beam fell on me. Had five broken ribs and a nasty concussion.”   
“You never told me that.” Maddie’s looking at him, tears in her eyes, and it makes him want to wince.   
He shrugs, “It was forever ago and I didn’t see a reason to bring it up. It’s in my medical history, along with everything else that’s happened.”   
“You never called me about it.”   
Evan’s eyes darken at her words, ‘We weren’t exactly on speaking terms, Maddie.” His voice firm, toeing the line of being harsh as he silently tells her to drop it.   
She pursues her lips but nods and he can tell that she’s going to try and get him to talk about it at some point, he just doesn’t know how that’ll end without one of them screaming at the other when he’ll refuse to talk about it. 

“How long were you out of commission for?”   
“Uh, I think nine weeks?” He looks at Kelly for confirmation and the man nods. “Yeah, I would’ve been back at seven but I got talked into some more medic training in case we got shorthanded and then we wouldn’t have to take a floater.”   
“That’s something they do there in Chicago?”   
“Not often, but occasionally there’s a house with a firefighter who also has medic training. We’ve had a few since I started there. I know of at least two other stations that have also had one.” 

Hen goes to ask something when Evan’s phone rings again and he barely is able to hold back the swears that want to jump out of him. “Hello?”   
His eyebrows furrow at whoever is on the phone and Kelly nudges him. “Yes, this is he.” Evan turns the phone slightly away from his ear, letting Kelly get a glimpse of the chicago area code.   
“Jay, I’m surprised to hear from you. What number are you calling me from?”   
He nods, “yeah, is this about the break in at Kelly’s? Cause Matt already called about that.”  
His body had relaxed at knowing that it was Jay calling, suddenly tenses just enough for Kelly to notice but not anyway else at the table, his eyes darting towards Athena, at whatever Jay is saying. “No, I didn’t.”   
He nods again, “Of course. Yeah, I’ll tell him you say hi. And I will not tell him that he owes you a beer.” Evan laughs, before saying goodbye to Jay and hanging up. 

And without a second thought to who else it could be, knowing that no one else in LA would even think about it doing it, he looks at Athena. “Why did you send a request for records on Kelly?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this might be the longest chapter yet. How we feeling? 
> 
> Also, thank you WeepingLoveGrass for the idea of including an injury that no one in the 118 knew about and 51's traditions.


End file.
